Even during times I forgot

Seven years ago, I came to Illinois to work as an intern.

That was about the time I had to graduate from high school.

Seeing new people in an unfamiliar environment surely frightened me.

And every time I had to go through that situation, it was my mom who comforted me the most.

Whenever I was in pain or had hard times, my heart felt much lighter after talking to her on the phone.

As many days have passed, and as I got used to the place, I hardly ever called her.

I rather was frustrated when she called me while I was hanging out with my friends.

I had my cellphone number changed, but because I considered her calls inattentively, I postponed telling my mom my new number.

Then one day, I received a call.

“Hello? Who’s this?”

The person on the phone didn’t reply.

When I was about to hang up the phone, I heard a weeping sound.

“Who’s this? Who are you, and why are you crying on the phone?

“It’s your mom…”

“…………………………………….”

I couldn’t possibly call her “mom.”

“Sweetie, do you know my heart was in my mouth? I thought something awful happened to you.”

“M..om..”

With a sobbing voice, she said she was so anxious because she thought something happened to me.

She even called my former dorm prefect, and asked my friends back in my high school, but no one knew my new number.

Asking here and there, she finally got my number and got me on the phone.

I couldn’t say anything because I was so sorry.

Even when I lived without a blink or qualm, forgetting all about her, my mom continuously worried thinking that I might have had an accident or was hospitalized.

Worrying about me, she couldn’t eat or sleep.

And when she managed to fall asleep, she always had nightmares.

Hearing her on the phone, I realized how mean and an immature daughter I was.

I was also a mean and an immature daughter to Heavenly Mother.

Living in this world, I turned away from Heavenly Mother and forgot all about Her, and made her worry extremely.

But She always prayed for me and waited for me to return.

I truly feel so sorry to Heavenly Mother.

I want to stop being a troublemaker and become Heavenly Mother’s joyful daughter; who always listens to Her voice.

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An Immature Son

Though my family didn't have our cakes baked, we had enough to live.

My parents bought mostly everything that I needed.

Entering 6th grade, I told them that I wanted to attend a supplementary educational institute for my grades.

They allowed me, thinking that I was commendable.

When it was time for me to graduate junior high school, my father said:

"I'm sorry son, but we're bad off. I don't think we can support you with the institute.

How about making a habit of studying by yourself?"

By that time, I had decent grades with the help of the institute.

I just couldn't stand that I couldn't attend the institute no more.

Though I kept on asking him if I could attend the institute, he just kept on apologizing.

Because things didn't go on my way, I left an unhealable scar on my father's heart.

"Dad, how come you can't even send me to an institute? My friends attend many institutes.

I wish I was born in a rich house, why was I born in this house?"

I could vividly remember what he said to me.

"I didn't do much for you, did I? Well, I did my best for you son... I tried my best to give everything what you surely needed. I'm sorry that I couldn't let you have more, more than I have given."

And it's now that I realize that he wanted me to stop attending the institute for a long time.

I remember him passing remarks like, "How about not going to the institute?" or "How about studying by yourself?"

He tried all he could to support my institute’s fee.

It is when I entered high school that he just couldn't possibly support.

He could have said to stop attending the institute from the very beginning, but he couldn't because I had too much desire.

And after bearing many years, he had no choice to tell me that he couldn't support.

Even today, I feel sorry for my father who kept on apologizing.

My father did let me have all that I needed.

There were things that I didn't necessarily needed, but he tried his best to let me have them all.

Though I could receive everything without any effort, I wasn't thankful at all.

I just grumbled that I couldn't have more.

I even had an arrogant thought that it was reasonable that parents had to feed their children's mouth.

Through my childhood memory, God allowed me to see how arrogant I was in heaven, and showed it to me as a shadow, of how much I hurt my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother's heart.

Just how I didn't thank my parents on this earth, I feel embarrassed that I didn't thank my Heavenly

Parents’ love and grace.

I don't want to commit the same mistake.

From now on, I want to become a child who can give overflowing thanks and joy to our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother.

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Even to the deepest invisible parts

"You broke the cup! You should have been careful washing the dishes."

I heard my husband's voice in the kitchen.

When I went there, I saw the cup largely chipped on one side.

If I was the one washing it, I definitely should have noticed since it would've made a large noise while it broke.

But since I couldn't remember, someone else must have washed it.

"Ah! I think Nathan must have done it washing the dishes."

Hearing that, my husband furiously said,

"Don't let Nathan wash the dishes no more!"

Yesterday, I had a terrible migraine.

While I was lying on the sofa, my son said to me,

"Mom, you’ll get cold."

And covering me with a blanket he said,

"Aren't you tired? Take a rest, and I'll do the dishes."

Seeing my 8th grade son washing the dishes, he looked so sweet and I felt so proud of him.

Because of my son, I could take a nap.

I thought I heard a loud noise in my sleep, but I didn't worry because the dishes were very sturdy.

I guess that was when it broke.

I explained the whole story to my husband and asked him for a favor.

"Please forget about this incident. How can I scold Nathan who was so sweet?"

Quietly, I hid the cup somewhere my son couldn't see.

Though he broke a cup, I truly wanted to protect his heart; considering his mother.

When I preach the gospel, I often make mistakes.

What would have happened if God scolded me,

"Don't ever try to preach again, I don't need you for God's work!", whenever I made mistake?

Just like our Heavenly Mother who considers and embraces even our small gifts and hearts, I truly want to be a child resembling Heavenly Mother, understanding my brothers' and sisters' small efforts and hearts; even to the deepest invisible parts.

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Thank You - God the Mother

I felt all the more keenly that there are so many things to thank for in life.  One day, hearing my mom who has been suffering from a chronic disease fell with a thud, I hurried off to the hospital.  Bleeding heavily with the rupture of a blood vessel, she was helplessly lying on the bed in the emergency room.

All the way to the hospital, I didn’t know what to do at all but when I saw mom getting the IV injection, I could feel a little relieved.  My sister who first found mom falling in the living room in the early morning rushed to the hospital seemed so haggard.  I asked her to bring some toiletries and clothes from home and then I sat next to my mom.  Looking at her sleeping face as white as a sheet, I couldn’t stop shedding tears in vain.  Since her heavy bleeding, she continued to receive transfusion while she was in hospital.  Without blood for transfusions, she would have come across something wrong.

At that moment, some news contents I watched the other day suddenly occurred to me.  The news was that in spite of falling blood supplies with the decreasing number of blood donors in this hot summertime, they thank The International We Love You Foundation for its hundreds of members took the head in the blood donation movement.

I truly give thanks to God for allowing me to realize the true love of Heavenly Mother and to have an opportunity to practice the love for others.

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Forgetting at an instant

 

For a long time, my mom all alone raised us; four daughters.

Looking back at those years, I don’t know how she managed to raise us up all by herself.

I cannot even conceive the idea of raising four children all by myself, but I guess it was all possible for her because she was my mom.  

Few years ago, my mom had a big surgery.

Though she had to rest, because of the wretched circumstances, she just had to work strenuously.

Though we all grew up and became adults, since we were busy, we didn’t know or forgot how strenuous it was for her.

When mom comes home from work, she starts doing the housework right away.

After ten, she comes to my room and talks about her daily routine.

She isn’t a talk-active person, but these days she frequently stops by and talks to me a lot.

I really wanted to be nice to her, but I was exhausted. So I tend to listen to her vacantly.

Seeing how I reacted, she would quickly end her conversation and leave my room.

When this happens, I feel sorry for her.

I always make a resolution that I wouldn’t repeat this mistake again, but it happens to me all the time.

One day, seeing her leaving my room, her shoulders seemed so small.

When I and my sisters were young, she didn’t have a moment to talk with us.

That is why we always went to her to talk with her.

Whenever we did, she never showed how tired she was.

She always listened to all what we have said, but I didn’t.

Few days ago, my mom said that she had pain in her arms and legs.

I just told her to “go to the hospital,” and when she repeatedly said that every day, I started to ignore.

When I started to think lying down my bed, it reminded me that my mom had a surgery for cancer.

I forgot that she wasn’t a healthy person at all.

I felt ashamed that I just told her to go to the hospital.

During break time in my working place, I started to search for good medicine and food for my mom.

Thinking that I simply just needed to turn on the computer and type some words, I felt so sorry.

The reason how I could grow up without any trouble was because of my mom’s sacrifice.

And I…

I always forgot about her when I turned my back, went to work, and while I was having a hard time.

At this moment, Heavenly Mother is also next to me, praying for me continuously every day, every second.

But I always forgot.

Just because of the world that I am living in, because I was busy, because I was exhausted…

I just forgot about Her.

About Heavenly Mother who came down to this earth, who is sacrificing for me.

I truly want to be a filial daughter for my mom and to my Heavenly Mother.

I want to be a filial daughter who gives joy, happiness, and smiles.

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The Acrylic Board and the Cutting Mat

Preparing for the Last Day of the Feast of Tabernacles, we all divided into teams to create invitations to be handed out to all families, acquaintances, and neighbors, for them to receive the water of life given freely by Heavenly Mother.

Seeing brothers and sisters cutting papers on top of an acrylic board and a cutting mat, the Overseer asked us a question. 

"What's the difference between this acrylic board and the cutting mat?"

We all simply answered that the material, the name, or the size, is different.

Then he said,

"Look at them carefully. They have been numerously cut with knives. One of them seems to be damaged that we can even see with our own eyes, but you can't see any damages on the other. Don't you think they resemble our hearts and our Mother's?"

Indeed…

Though She has been hurt from numerous thorns of sins, Mother would never show how hurt She was...

She just bears and endures silently.

Even hearing small advises from our brothers and sisters we would show how hurt we are.

Our hearts are all full with faults.

That doesn't mean that the cutting mat is undamaged.

If you look at it closely, there are small and deep cuts made to it.

But outwardly, it seems to be clean and undamaged.

I only considered my pain, just wanted to be served, and didn't want to have a broad mind for my brothers and sisters.

Repenting for what I've committed, I made a resolution that I would be a child who bears and endures; resembling Heavenly Mother.

Considering the teachings for my salvation as a burden, I always complained, blamed, didn't realize brothers' and sisters' consideration, and envied.

Didn't endure nor gave thanks and just showed off my hardships just like the acrylic board.

With all of these, I scraped my Mother's heart.

Despite of all what I have done, She still bears and embraces, the children all covered with thorns.

Mother...

I now want to be a child who resembles you.

The path of pain and sacrifice that you have walked, I also want to consider it to be the path that I must walk, and follow you with thanks.

With an arrogant mind, I would have never received the blessings of the Holy Spirit.

That is why Mother gave me a realization through this small routine.

I give earnest thanks to Heavenly Mother for allowing me this realization.

I want to be a child with a broad mind who can cover up even the faults of our brothers and sisters.

I love You Mother.

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The Mother and the Bee

One hot summer day, a little boy was playing on the backyard.

Didn’t know why, but a huge bee was buzzing furiously on top of his head.

The more the child tried to hide from it, the bee flew over him more.

His fear went to extreme, so he went to his mother’s arms and cried.

Seeing her child with fear, the mother quickly covered his body with her skirt, and covered his face with her hands.

Then the bee stung the mother’s arm instead of the child’s, and the poisonous sting was stuck in her arm, so deep enough that it couldn’t be removed.

Afterwards, the bee couldn’t fly further away and was crawling on the mother’s arm.  

Bearing the pain, the mother said,

“My dear, don’t fear and come out. I have placed myself instead of you. Since the bee hurt me, it can’t hurt you no more.”

Source from: ‘Resting Place Volume 2’ PSC

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